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Revisiting a holiday classic via my odd little universe.

Alien Santa

    Start: Eleven years ago, back when I was using the writing name of “L. George Daniels,” I put together a little UFO-related parody of the traditional carol “The Twelve Days of Christmas,” and posted it on a long defunct site of mine. Oddly enough, novelist and self-professed UFO experiencer Whitley Strieber picked up on it, and a year after it was discovered by an organization devoted to skeptical enquiry, the (honest!) Rational Examination Association of Lincoln Land (REALL), which requested to include it in their December 2000 Newsletter (PDF link).

    Being just odd enough, I though I’d submit it once again for your holiday perusal.

    Happy holidays from me and mine to you and yours.

    Daniel

“The Twelve Alien Days of Christmas”
 

On the first day of Christmas, an alien gave to me —
A crashed flying saucer and crew.

On the second day of Christmas, an alien gave to me —
Two men in black,
Indentand a crashed flying saucer and crew.

On the third day of Christmas, an alien gave to me —
Three implants,
Two men in black,
Indentand a crashed flying saucer and crew.

On the fourth day of Christmas, an alien gave to me —
Four motherships,
Three implants,
Two men in black,
Indentand a crashed flying saucer and crew.

On the fifth day of Christmas, an alien gave to me —
FIVE MISSING HOURS.
Four motherships,
Three implants,
Two men in black,
Indentand a crashed flying saucer and crew.

On the sixth day of Christmas, an alien gave to me —
Six cattle corpses,
FIVE MISSING HOURS.
Four motherships,
Three implants,
Two men in black,
Indentand a crashed flying saucer and crew.

On the seventh day of Christmas, an alien gave to me —
Seven books from Whitley,
Six cattle corpses,
FIVE MISSING HOURS.
Four motherships,
Three implants,
Two men in black,
Indentand a crashed flying saucer and crew.

On the eighth day of Christmas, an alien gave to me —
Eight funny rashes,
Seven books from Whitley,
Six cattle corpses,
FIVE MISSING HOURS.
Four motherships,
Three implants,
Two men in black,
Indentand a crashed flying saucer and crew.

On the ninth day of Christmas, an alien gave to me —
Nine hoaxers hoaxing,
Eight funny rashes,
Seven books from Whitley,
Six cattle corpses,
FIVE MISSING HOURS.
Four motherships,
Three implants,
Two men in black,
Indentand a crashed flying saucer and crew.

On the tenth day of Christmas, an alien gave to me —
Ten men debunking,
Nine hoaxers hoaxing,
Eight funny rashes,
Seven books from Whitley,
Six cattle corpses,
FIVE MISSING HOURS.
Four motherships,
Three implants,
Two men in black,
Indentand a crashed flying saucer and crew.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, an alien gave to me —
Eleven grays intruding,
Ten men debunking,
Nine hoaxers hoaxing,
Eight funny rashes,
Seven books from Whitley,
Six cattle corpses,
FIVE MISSING HOURS.
Four motherships,
Three implants,
Two men in black,
Indentand a crashed flying saucer and crew.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, an alien gave to me —
Twelve hybrids mating,
Eleven grays intruding,
Ten men debunking,
Nine hoaxers hoaxing,
Eight funny rashes,
Seven books from Whitley,
Six cattle corpses,
FIVE MISSING HOURS.
Four motherships,
Three implants,
Two men in black,
Indentand a crashed flying saucer and crew.

Yes, Tiny Tim … God bless us, every one.

• • •

Copyright © 1999-2015, by Daniel Brenton. All Rights Reserved.

End

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Daniel

Daniel Brenton is the creator/author of the 5 Second Novel series, co-author of the space race thriller Red Moon (with David S. Michaels), and is the author of the satirical column The Round Files, published in Stuart Miller’s short-lived Alien Worlds Magazine.

Despite being a writer, Daniel has no cats at this time, is unwilling to become an alcoholic, and has a very difficult time keeping a straight face while writing about himself in third person.

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