“You lead me here with that trail of popcorn to sell me on a pyramid scheme!?
You are about to be spat upon.”
There is something about the social media service Twitter that makes me a little crazy, but at least I’ve found a way to make my peace with it.
I’ve been doing Gratitude Watch for over half a year now, and been spending about the same time on Twitter, getting to know people and sharing my work and services with them.
One thing I see a lot of on Twitter are inspirational quotes. They seem like a natural, given the 140 character nature of Twitter “tweets.”
But if you go to the Twitter page of the “tweeter” tweeting all this glowing, rarified inspiration, nine times out of ten you’ll find something a little bit seedy. You’ll find the link in their profile leads to a marketing squeeze page, designed to suck you into handing over your contact information or your hard-earned cash outright on the latest Social Media Conquest Package (or similar garbage), guaranteed to make The Big Bucks just roll into your pockets.
Puh-leeze.
So as I see these inspirational quotes roll by on Twitter, I get really punchy. (And if I see that Melody Beattie quote about gratitude one more time, I will just scream!!!!!)
I love the wisdom of the brilliant and enlightened in our history as much as the next person, but I seriously doubt Madam Curie or Saint Teresa would have foreseen their words being used to promote the latest social media Ponzi scheme.
My solution? Mockery!
Here, then, is the first installment of fake quotes, which I call:
“No, No, No … They Didn’t Say That.”
The longer I live, the more beautiful everybody else becomes.
~ Larry King
When you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears … along with the IRS.
~ Donald Trump
Our imagination is the only limit to what we can have in the future. Oh yeah, and Congress.
~ Alan Greenspan
Be yourself, everyone else is taken. Except me.
~ Steven Wright.
Doing what you love is the cornerstone of having abundance in your life. Or, at least, having your abundance in my life.
~ Tony Robbins
What’s beautiful is all that counts, pal. And those residual checks. Those count, too.
~ Jack Nicholson
I am a little pen in the hand of a scribbling God who is writing a parking ticket to the world.
~ Salvador Dali
Do not go where the path may lead… except you, Thoreau. You’ve been out in the boonies too long.
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
There are only two tragedies in life: you, and that you’re not going to learn what the other one is.
~ Don Rickles
Others can count me out, but my belief in me is the only thing that matters!
~ Paul Reubens
There are no limits. Only thoughts with limits.
~ Bernie Madoff
We am responsible for every aspect of our experience … except the Republican Party.
~ Abraham-Hicks
If we cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel, we must glow in the dark.
~ Marie Curie
When work is chocolate, life is fat.
~ Louie Anderson
© 2009, by Daniel Brenton. All Rights Reserved.
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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
I needed a laugh on this rainy and dreary day and these quotes just fit the bill! Thank you for injecting some humor into the whole twitter thing. I have not yet succumbed… and don’t plan to. I can’t do anything in 25-words-or-less and refuse to count letters in my random thoughts so I can post them. There is so much information out there that is useful and interesting. Do I really care that T.O. thinks his sprained thumb is healed (his Tweet made the television news here because he has come to Buffalo to play for the Bills). *sigh*
The photo highlights of the paper had “Michael Vick returns” and “The nation mourns Ted Kennedy” … in that order. Puhleeze.
I know life is short but I refuse to shorten it to 140 characters of crap in this insane game of mini-messaging! Thanks for the smile!
My beef with Twitter quotes–and I did my fair share of them in the past, no longer–is who goes around talking in quotes?
Nearly everything in a Twitter update is fodder you, Daniel, could strike up at a cocktail party. But would you ever be conversing with someone and suddenly blab a quote for no relevance but that you want to say it? Maybe you would, but not me anymore. That’s why folks who tweet quotes on and on are annoying.
Ari –
That’s really the point, isn’t it? Are we here (at Twitter, or the others) to create relationships, or are we here for some other agenda? I’m “getting this” more and more as my experience with Twitter and Facebook increases. Most of the folks that spew out the inspirational quotes are leaving a trail of bread crumbs to see who they can draw in.
(And, yes, I might just blab out a quote in a conversation, but I would at least try to make it relevant.)
– Daniel
I like the quotes. Twitter is not a cocktail party. Would you run around a party shouting website addresses at everyone? You probably wouldn’t be invited to the next party if you did.
I don’t post zillions of quotes, but I post a fair amount. Anywhere from 2-30 in a day depending on my mood. But almost daily I get a DM from someone who tells me “thank you for that quote, it’s exactly what I needed to read today” or “I was feeling so low and that quote really woke me up, thank you.”
I agree that it’s annoying when scammers and spammers tweet quotes &get RTs all over the place and you find out they’re just selling some Donald Trump MLM or free teeth whitening or Twitter Traffic Machine. But there are a lot of people who enjoy the quotes and who are posting them sincerely because they want to brighten someone’s day.
Oh, I forgot to add… sometimes people post their own words of wisdom. I might not say those words to a crowd at a party but I have said them to friends when they needed a lift. So, in my book, quotes are an excellent addition to a twitter account. They are great conversation starters, too.
@SpiritualShow –
Marie, I hear you. I’m thinking of a couple of Tweeters in particular who are “guilty” of tweeting quotes as I’ve described above, and their profile links are just as I described. But, there is the other side (which I may not have stressed enough in this post) that there are folks … such as yourself, or Becky Bills (@planethealer) who really are doing it out of a desire to share. I have been frequently “retweeting” items that really struck me as good quotes.
I think Ari’s point, really, is coming from the context of thinking of Twitter as a networking party, the aim being at those to establish relationships. I think you and I have a friendship, now, and I think if you had a friend that needed the kind of service I could provide, you’d probably think of me … and vice versa.
Thank you for the comments. Appreciate it.
– Daniel
Hey Daniel:
I too love the quotes that often give me exactly the message I need to hear.
However–the thing that bugs me is when I see a quote tweeted and attributed to an author one day and then I see it circulating the next day with no acknowledgement to the author. I get annoyed. Give Tennyson his due and don’t pretend you said it! And it really bugs me when I see mundane, trite aphorisms attributed to the Dalai Lama. (OMG, Daniel. I’ve turned into a curmudgeon!)
Please, please, please write a blog about spammers who RT rows and rows of follow friday acknowledgements so I can blow off more steam.
Thanks,
Lynda Malerstein
http://powerjourneys.com
Feel the Freedom of Letting Go!
Lynda –
I’ve changed you into a curmudgeon. My work is done here.
(This was a “laugh out loud.” Thanks for the comment.)
Yes, the endless stream of “Follow Friday” recommendations is pretty meaningless. I did a couple of Fridays where I actually recommended one person per tweet, and stated a reason for it. Takes a lot of time to do that, so I don’t do it often.
#FollowFriday: So everyone follow @PowerJourneys, because she’ll comment on your blog!